The Past Year

(Note: I started writing this post in September...)

It has been a year since my last blog post...and what a year it has been.  A LOT has happened since but I really want to keep the memories alive so I will try to list every memorable moment and milestone since August 2012.  Now that I am done with grad school and internship I should have more time to blog...right?  Most importantly, I have more time to breathe, recover from the last 5 years of grad school, and spend time with my son, who is growing up too fast right before my eyes.

August/September 2012
Shortly after my last post I started my full time internship, the final stage in my doctoral training (before I get my Psy.D).  I knew it would be a challenging year working full time and being a mommy, but I did not expect it to be downright BRUTAL.  I experienced stress like no other, thanks to the awful commute, 40-hour work week (not to mention the nature of my work), and my toddler.  On top of it all, I was trying to graduate on time so I busted my butt working on my dissertation to make that happen.    

October 2012 

Cal Poly Pomona pumpkin patch - 10/21/12

Halloween 2012

Christmas 2012

Christmas program at Jake's preschool

Christmas morning 2012

January 2013
On January 7, Jake turned 2!  We took him to Disneyland for the first time and he got to meet his beloved Mickey Mouse!  It was also our first time going to Disneyland with a child, and let me tell you, that is an experience in and of itself.  We were able to go on two rides, It's A Small World and Pirates of the Caribbean, and we were outta there by 1pm, just in time for Jake's nap.  His favorite part was Toon Town and he seemed more interested in the trash cans throughout the park.   

February to March 2013
Sick, sick, sick.  Flu, ear infections, and pink eye.  When Jake started daycare they warned me that he would get sick a lot for the next two years.  I did not think that applied to me too.

December 2012 to March 2013
Despite being sick a lot, I hustled to finish my dissertation. I remember several weekends in March when I would isolate myself and work on my dissertation in bed.  Brutal, but I was able to meet the deadline to schedule my defense in order to graduate in May!  I could not have done it without Chris.  He is the most patient and supportive husband and I can't imagine life without him. 

April 2013
I defended my dissertation, which made me eligible to graduate this year!  My committee passed me with "moderate revisions" so I knew that would not be the last time that I saw my dissertation, but nevertheless, I was going to graduate!

My parents took me out to lunch after my defense

May 2013 
It turned out that Jake had a very bad ear infection, which explained why he kept getting a fever and a cold when he was not on antibiotics.  After many trips to urgent care and unsuccessful antibiotic treatments, we decided it was time to go back to Jake's pediatrician since birth.  She is a gem and we were so bummed when she left the clinic where we take Jake.  But it is all good now that Jake is back under her care.  She was able to refer us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist and Jake's ear infection was treated right away.  He had tubes put in both his ears to drain the lingering infection.  Surgery went well and he has not really gotten sick since then.

St. Jude's Hospital - Fullerton

Before the surgery

May/June 2013
After 5 years, I finally graduated!!!  After my dissertation defense in April I came down with an awful case of bronchitis, which I called grad school-related bronchitis.  I was sick for 5 weeks but had no time to rest since my internship did not end until mid-July.  Not to mention, my dissertation was waiting for me.  I had not even looked at that thing since April.

Another big milestone: our 5th wedding anniversary on June 21, 2013!         

ULV Doctoral Hooding Ceremony 5/31/13

July - August 
I finished my internship in July.  In honor of my graduation and our 5 year wedding anniversary, Chris and I went to Hawaii.  I also went for the APA Convention, which was in Honolulu this year.  Jake went on an airplane for the first time and did great!  His favorite part about Hawaii was the elevator in our hotel.  Luckily, we stayed on the 37th floor of the Hyatt so he got to go on that elevator a lot.  He also loved going on the city trolley.  Right now he is pretty much into anything that provides transportation.   

Waikiki, HI

Lake McQueeney, TX

September 2013
9/5/2013 - Jake went pee pee on the potty for the first time!
9/17/2003 - Jake went poo poo on the potty for the first time!
Potty training is a long process but Jake is starting to get it.

I can't help but feel a little sad at the end of every summer because I know that next year things will be much different as my baby will be another year older...

It's Time for School

Since my last blog post, Jake's vocabulary has quadrupled, it seems.  He TALKS.  You can actually understand what he says and he understands what you tell him (most of the time).  This week he started daycare/preschool at Kiddie Academy.  We planned it so that he started daycare the week before I start my internship.  We figured that by spacing two major life changes (Jake going to "school" and me taking on a full time position), life would be less chaotic that way.  He will be going to daycare four days a week from about 7:15 - 3:30.  On Fridays he will get to spend time with my mom and sometimes Chris' parents. 

With Jake starting daycare for the first time, this week has been a bit rough for all of us.  He has cried every time we dropped him off.  At night he is more clingy and wakes up crying a couple of times.  His teacher tells us that he does well at preschool after the initial crying spell and that he naps very well, about 2.5 hours, each time.  But I can't even tell you how heartbreaking it is to see your baby crying and calling for you, and then for you to leave and just trust that he will be fine.  After we dropped him off on his first day, Chris and I tried to enjoy being childless by going on a movie/lunch date.  It was nice but we could not stop thinking about our baby boy at school.  The house felt empty and too quiet without him running around.  We could not wait to pick him up.

So that's how my mom must have felt when I started school.  It's funny because I remember my first day of kindergarten very clearly...I cried for a long time.  My mom used to always say about parenting, "You don't really understand until you become a parent."  Well, mom, that time has come!   
This year is going to be challenging, with me working full-time and Jake being in daycare.  I just keep telling myself that it's only for one year.  I am hoping to finish grad school on time and graduate in May.  The light at the end of the tunnel is definitely becoming more and more visible.
         

18 Months

I can't believe my baby is a year and a half old...where has the time gone?

7/7/12 - 18 months old

 He walks (@ 13 months), talks (says car, cracker, mango, bubbles, bar, blocks, mama, dada, shoe, water, bye-bye, night-night, light, moon, star, yellow, hello, show, video - he says "bos"...), waves hello and goodbye, blows kisses, gives kisses, counts to ten, "reads", knows his body parts, knows a couple of animal sounds (cow and lion), feeds himself,  says "no" (quite adamantly) and nods his head yes.  He sleeps about 11-12 hours a night, plus a 2-hour nap in the afternoon.  He is Daddy's boy.  He loves blowing bubbles and being outside walking around in wide open spaces.  His favorite shows are The Wiggles and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and says "no" to other shows.  He loves watching videos of himself on our phones.  This summer he completed a 2-week swim class and did very well in the water.  We also have been taking him to My Gym, a fitness center for children, where he gets to play, exercise, socialize, work on gross motor skills, listening skills, and impulse control.  I can't believe that we are already looking into different childcare options for the fall as I will be doing a full-time internship.  The thought of being away from my baby everyday every week already makes me sad...I just can't believe how fast time is flying.  As challenging as it was to be a grad school mom, I am so glad that I had Jake while I was still in school because it afforded me a lot of time to be with him during the week.  I am extremely grateful for my support system- I would not have made it through grad school without the support of my husband and our parents.

The last 18 months have been exciting, challenging, amazing, fun, wonderful.  It has been fascinating seeing my son grow up right before my eyes.  Parenthood is the most difficult but the best job.  Each day is an adventure, every minute is precious.  If only time would slow down just a little...

12 months

Superbowl Sunday 2012

Leap Year! (13 months)

3/11/12 - 14 months

3/28/12 (14 months) - L.A. Arboretum

Easter 2012 - 15 months

Mothers Day 2012 - 16 months

17 months - One can never learn to use the potty too early, right?

Swim lesson with Daddy

His favorite!

     

Jake's Birth Story - Retold

I still remember vividly the morning I went into labor.  At about 5 am on January 7, 2011 I got up to use the restroom and realized that my water broke.  I went into the guest room where Chris was sleeping (my pregnancy snoring had become unbearable for him) and calmly told him, "It's time to go!"  Our hospital bags had been packed already so we did not scramble that much on the way to the hospital.  I still recall sitting in the front seat of my car, amniotic fluid continuing to leak out.  We had called the hospital to inform them that we were on our way and called our parents to tell them that Jake was coming.  Chris dropped me off at the hospital entrance and I walked to the maternity ward.  I was admitted immediately and it seemed like I was asked a thousand questions, for which I was not in the mood.  We pre-registered beforehand but there was still a lot of paperwork that needed to be completed.  I remember getting extremely irritated and almost hostile to the admitting nurse, Helen, because the last thing I wanted was to be bombarded with questions.  Funny, I don't remember now the feeling of being in labor...I know it was not pleasant but that's about it.  I remember getting the epidural relatively early (3 or 4 cm I believe) and being in heaven after that.

As the day progressed, the nurses kept checking on me and we all thought I would have Jake by lunch time.  I got a fever somehow and had the chills the whole day.  I kept passing BM's too...I must have eliminated everything that I ate for the past two days!  My OB-GYN arrived in the early afternoon and I remember she reached in to "turn" Jake and more water came out of me.  By 6:00 pm I was 9.5 cm dilated so it was decided that it was time for me to push.  So I pushed. And pushed. For 15 minutes...30...45...60.  No Jake.  I was turned sideways and pushed.  Still nothing.  By 7:15 pm or so I began to lose hope that my son was going to be delivered the normal way.  I remember the nurses and doctor leaving me, Chris, and my mom in the delivery room BY OURSELVES in the middle of me pushing.  By 8:00 pm it was pretty clear that I was going to have to have a C-section.  I cried.  It wasn't the way things were supposed to be.  A C-section was the last thing I wanted.  I had endured many things in my life, gotten everything I wanted in life at that point, so to have a C-section made me feel like a quitter.  And not even by choice.  I was devastated, but what could I do- I wanted my baby to be safe.  I know now to choose wisely when it comes to hospitals and labor and delivery staff. 

It wasn't until 9:00 pm that I was taken to the operating room.  The operating staff had to be paged so none of them arrived until that time.  I remember lying on that operating table.  Them telling me that I was going to feel a lot of tugging.  I remember having the oxygen mask on me and seriously feeling like I was going to run out of air and die.  It was the scariest feeling for me to kind of hear what was going on around me but be paralyzed from the neck down.  I was cold and shivering inside.  My thumbs kept twitching.  I was sure that they would see me and help me, but I kept shivering and feeling like I was running out of air.  All the while I kept thinking in my head, "This is terrible...this is not the way I wanted it to be...we are not having our second child here..." But most importantly, I just wanted to hear my baby cry.  To know that he was OK.  But I never heard his cry.  I was in and out of consciousness and I remember Chris crying and saying "Our baby is so beautiful" in my ear.  I learned later that Jake came out blue and unresponsive.  He had started to swallow his meconium because he was in distress, after all that pushing and time waiting for the C-section to begin.  I remember being in the recovery room and Chris going in there to explain what was happening.  Our baby was going to be taken to Queen of the Valley NICU.  I was going to stay at San Dimas Hospital.  I briefly saw Jake before he was taken away in the ambulance.  I was so drugged up that I couldn't even get my eyes to focus.  "Focus!" I told my eyes, "Look at your son!"  And then, he was gone.

I didn't really know how to feel.  I will never forget the faces of my good friends, Jen, Kim, Brian, and Kristin, in the hallway as I was wheeled back into my hospital room.  I waved hello to them and expressed how happy and grateful I was to see them as I rolled by on the bed, in my drugged state.  I remember seeing my brother Joe's face as I was wheeled into the operating room an hour before that.  Our parents were there, waiting for their first/ninth grandson to arrive.  Little did they know that was going to be one of the scariest nights of their lives...the thought of losing me or the baby.  And of course, my poor husband had to go through it all...seeing me on the operating table, half awake and complaining of pain...his first born son blue and unresponsive...having to notify my parents and everyone who was in the lobby what was happening...

It was not the ideal birth story.  I did not want to talk to nor see anybody that entire weekend.  I did not care to announce Jake's birth because HE WAS NOT THERE.  I did not get to experience holding him and learning to nurse him and bathe him in the hospital.  It was horrible.  There are so many other details that go into this story but I cannot possibly include them all.  So many emotions were felt that weekend while I was in the hospital: relief, anger, disappointment.  So many questions: why did we choose that hospital, etc. etc.  The reality is that it is easier to point fingers when things go wrong.  I gave birth at that hospital because that was where my OB-Gyn, who I had been seeing for two years, was designated to deliver.  We knew that they did not have a NICU.  We did not know that we would need a NICU (who does???)  The only thing we can do is to hopefully do things differently the next time around.  And when will that be, you ask.  When I feel ready.  That's when.  When I know where I am going to be next year.  When I feel that the addition of a second child will not break me.  When I get my doctorate.  When I get a job.  When the time is right.  I really cannot say when.  All I know is that I enjoy having only my one-year-old son right now.

Jake has been a strong boy from the beginning of his life.  He has grown up to be such a good and easygoing baby.  He rarely cries, though he has his moments when he throws little tantrums.  I cannot believe how fast the past year went by.  When I first met Jake, four days after his birth, I was worried that we would not have a strong bond.  But now, our bond could not be stronger.  He is my little best friend.  We go everywhere together.  I love taking him to the store.  My favorite memory is when I went to the zoo with Jake on my 30th birthday.  I did not feel too connected with him in the beginning, probably because he was in the NICU for 10 days while Chris and I were at home.  We visited him twice a day for those ten days and made a promise to not let his birth affect our happiness.  We finally got to take him home on January 16, 2011 and I remember feeling so excited but also scared.  We were on our own as new parents!  But we have come a long way since then.  If you think about it, parenting is 75% common sense and 25% experience.  Being a new parent does not make one an idiot.  If you ask me, I think Chris and I have done a hell of a job with our first son!

This is the end of Jake's birth story and the beginning of many, many more chapters of his life...   

Your First Birthday

Dear Jake,

It is your first birthday!  People don't remember their first birthdays so I thought I would tell you the story of yours.  Your first birthday party happened to take place on your actual birthday, January 7!  The theme of your party was "A Year of Firsts."

So many close friends and family came to celebrate with you today.  On the day before your big day, Mommy and Auntie Lauren baked all the goodies for your party, Grandma came over to help take care of you while Mommy, Daddy, and Auntie Lauren prepared everything: the decorations, party favors, the cupcakes, and your giant cupcake.  On the day of your party, Mommy and Daddy took turns watching you as we set everything up that morning.  Grandma and Grandpa Wells came over to bring your balloons and help take care of you.  Can you believe Grandpa fit 20 balloons in his car?!  Then, Grammie and Opa came and helped with setting up and last minute preparations.  Auntie Wendy and Uncle Paul, cousin Ginger and Ruby arrived early too and they helped with putting up the decorations.  Uncle Oliver picked up the catered Filipino food for your party and Grandpa picked up the salads and sandwiches.  Uncle Joe arrived and helped Mommy with setting up the chairs and gave Mommy a hand with whatever she needed.

Mommy was so thankful for all the help that she had!  She wanted your party to be picture perfect and fun because your birthday is such a special day to Mommy, Daddy, and all of your family and friends!  It was a lot of work, but you are worth all the effort, my son!  Everyone was so happy to celebrate your special day!  Some of our loved ones could not be there but they really, really wanted to be there because they love you so much.  The kids had fun jumping in the bounce house and the adults had a nice time talking.  Even you had a nice time, Jake!  You wanted nothing to do with your giant cupcake that Mommy and Auntie Lauren made for you, and everyone found it funny that you showed such a strong dislike for the sweet, scrumptious thing in front of you.  After the cake, we started saying goodbye to some friends and we gave the kids their party favors, but guess what- Mommy forgot to hand out the cookie party favors that we made!  For the babies' party favors, you shared some of your favorite foods.  At the end of the party, Mommy went in the bounce house with you, and you fell asleep on Mommy in there!  Just like clock work, you napped at around your naptime. 

After everyone left, you, Mommy, and Daddy opened your presents.  You got a lot of new clothes and fun toys to play with!  It was so nice of everyone to give you a gift of some form...we have to make sure to thank them and let them know how much we appreciated it, OK?  On the night of your birthday, Mommy put you to bed and she held you just a while longer after you had fallen asleep.  Mommy felt happy but also a little sad that her little baby Jake is growing up.  But no matter how old you get, you will always be Mama's baby and she will love you forever...    

Happy first birthday, my sweet baby boy.  

Goodbye, Sippy...Hello, Straw!

Eleven months.  In just a few weeks I will be the mother of a ONE year old.  I still remember very vividly the early morning that I went into labor.  For the first several days after I came home from the hospital, I wanted nothing but to go back to that morning and do it all over, the right way...and here we are a year later.  Me - 30, Jake - almost 1.  I am looking forward to giving him whole milk and other dairy products and eggs.  We have been very careful in feeding him up until this point.  Maybe that's a first child thing, but whatever.  He has learned to use a straw and so we have ditched the sippy cup for now.  When he starts drinking cow's milk in a few weeks we'll be ditching the bottle too. 

These days it is very easy to put him to bed.  He used to cry when we put him down in his crib for naps or bedtime but now he does not cry at all, especially at night.  We usually hold him in the rocking chair for a few minutes, then put him in his crib and walk away.  I think his object permanence is starting to develop.  Another new thing that he loves to do is swaying, mostly to music but sometimes not.  The other night as I was getting him ready for bed, I set him down in the crib for a second and I saw him cruise to one side of the crib and started swaying while holding on to the rail.  I realized that he was watching himself dance in the closet mirror.  He sure is a character, just like his daddy!

At 11 months, Jake has cut his molars.  About a month ago he was running a low fever and had a runny nose for a week and just as we suspected, he was teething.  He would wake up at night and whimper but was able to go back to sleep without us having to comfort him.  It got better a few days later and sure enough I felt them protruding through his gums.

I feel like he is growing up so fast.  He is not walking on his own yet but we know that he will when he is ready, just like with everything else.   

8, 9, 10

Finally, some time to blog!  Jake is now 10 months old.  I wanted to blog about all of his milestones but, unfortunately, October was an extremely busy month, with internship applications on top of everything else that is making my life busy...so busy that I had to temporarily drop off the face of the (virtual) earth because every free minute that I had was devoted to internship applications, etc. etc.  (P.S. I am so done with school.).  I'll be honest, I have not had the time to keep up with everyone else's blogs either, so please don't get mad when I ask you something that you blogged about :)

Anyway, here we are...10 months into parenthood.  Jake is doing great and thriving!  At eight months he clapped, crawled, and stood supported.  I think he actually crawled on all fours a few days after my last blog post.  At nine months he learned to wave hello and goodbye.  At ten months, he is cruising along on furniture and the giant glass window in our living room.  He is learning to protest and get his feelings hurt when I sternly say "no."  But gosh he is SO CUTE!  I wish pictures and videos could show just how delicious and delightful he is, but they really don't do him any justice.  So I am glad that I get to be his mom and capture his cuteness and rapid growth with my own eyes every day.  Everyone told me that months 6 to 9 are the best, but I am really, really enjoying my ten-month-old!

I am also getting closer to my 30th birthday so I have been reflecting on that a lot.  I feel so blessed to have accomplished so much before I turned 30...but I will save that for another blog post.

8 months

9 months

10 months