These Are the Moments...

Jake is 10 weeks old and for the last 2 nights he has slept all the way til 5:00 am, when I wake him up for his first feeding of the day!  We knew he could do it eventually!  It took lots of patience and consistency with our routine but it has definitely paid off...so far.  I have become a believer of parents providing some order in their babies' lives instead of automatically responding to every cry with a bottle/breast.  I have learned how to make assessments with each cry and that there are other sources of comfort for him besides my breasts(i.e., holding him, burping him, bathing him and changing his diaper comfort him when he is uncomfortable, gassy, and dirty)!  Most importantly, I have learned to respect other parents' parenting and feeding preference with no judgment or criticism.  I just know what has worked for us and am happy with that.

Jake has definitely made progress when it comes to sleeping.  He sleeps in his room, though still in the sleeper and not his crib (that will be our goal at 3 months).  We no longer rock him to sleep for what seemed like hours.  When we put him down to sleep we do let him cry for a few minutes, console him, then walk out of the room.  Sometimes he talks himself to sleep and it is the cutest thing you will ever hear.  Think what you will, but letting your baby cry for a few minutes (at 2 months old, not any younger) as he goes to sleep doesn't make one a bad parent!  Everything that I have read and older moms I have talked to will tell you that crying won't kill a baby, nor will it give him psychological issues later on in life :)  Besides, he has learned to fall asleep on his own, which is a skill that he needs to learn anyway.

I am absolutely in love with my son.  He is such a good, easygoing, happy baby.  He cries only when he is hungry and fusses right before he falls asleep at naptime.  He smiles, he "talks", he melts my heart.  My favorite moment is just holding him and cuddling with him in the rocking chair after his first feeding at dawn.  He is the happiest right after his feedings; he "chats" with me or Chris as we change his diaper-- also some of my favorite moments.  These days Jake has also become my favorite shopping buddy.  I put him in the Baby Bjorn and we walk up and down the aisles of Target.  Most of the time he falls asleep in the baby carrier.  He doesn't really cry in the car either.  He just looks around and takes in everything that he sees.  I think he enjoys being out.  Last week, we attended Chris' basketball banquet at Glendora High and Jake did so well for his first big public event.  He slept on my chest in the Bjorn while I ate dinner, then I fed him in Chris' car and enjoyed the rest of the banquet with Jake while Daddy did his coach thing. 

I have to say that being on a schedule has made our lives easier.  Having a set (but flexible) feeding schedule helps us plan our day.  Jake eats about every 3 hours and in between feedings he has waketime and naptime.  So when he eats at 5 pm, we know that we have until about 8 pm to do something like go on a walk with him or go shopping with him.  And since he is content after he eats we can be confident that he will be happy while we are out and then head home in time for his next feeding.

I feel like we have come a long way since January.  I am truly enjoying being a mommy.  In fact, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me, next to marrying my best friend, of course.  I am so thankful that I am at a phase in my life where I can be home with my baby most of time.  These days, everything that I was used to doing before--school, practicum, life--seem doable again.  And on top of that, I have so many moments in between that I treasure...precious moments spent with my baby boy. 

"These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive/and these are the moments I'll remember all my life/I have all I've waited for/and I could not ask for more..."

Jacob - 10 weeks old

Progress

Jacob is 8 weeks old!  Hard to believe but he will be exactly 2 months old on Monday when he goes to the doctor's for his check-up.  He is doing so well at home and last night he had the best sleep of his life!  At 8 weeks I felt that it was time to start letting him sleep on his own, in his own room.  We have had him on a flexible eat, wake, and nap cycle every 3 hours for about 3 weeks now.  Normally we would rock him to sleep for his naps, which would take an hour sometimes and cuts into his sleep time before he wakes up to eat again.  During the day I was lucky if he slept for an hour in between feedings.  So yesterday I tried the tough love method.  After I fed, burped, and changed him I held him for a little bit then put him down for a nap.  I let him cry for a few minutes, then came in to soothe him, then walked away to let him sleep.  It took a couple of tries at first but sure enough he fell asleep on his own.  By bedtime he totally got it.  He was fed at 8:00 and in bed by 9:00.  He slept til 12:30 am, I fed him, and went back to sleep around 1:00 am...he did not wake up until 5:30 this morning!  Hooray, more sleep for mommy and daddy! 

Progress, progress, progress.  A month ago I was frustrated, weary, and not fully enjoying being a new mommy.  I was at my wits' end and did not know if I would make it to the next day.  But now I am actually enjoying it and look forward to our feeding sessions when I get to bond with my baby boy.  The best part of my day is when I have Jake on the changing table after he eats and we "talk."  He smiles and coos and melts my heart in the process.  I'm happy that it just gets better each week and everyone tells me it only gets better from here. 

Lessons learned this month: trust yourself as a parent, know that you are doing the best job you can, and be patient- especially with a newborn.  Trust that your child has the capability to be a good child, maybe the best in the world, even at 2 months old.  Everything is trial-and-error in the beginning and things get easier the more you get to know each other.   

Jake - 8 weeks old

Turning Point

At 5 weeks I noticed some significant changes in baby Jake and life at home. The first 4 weeks of Jacob's life were the hardest on me and Chris as new parents.  We were sleep deprived, exhausted, drained, and inexperienced.  I had a couple of meltdowns and times when I felt that I would not make it til the next day.  But in week 5, Jake napped a little bit more to give me a break during the day and I started to actually enjoy him.  To be quite honest, I was not really enjoying motherhood at first because it was the most difficult and trying thing I had yet to endure in my life (I think any mother who tells you otherwise is either a) lying right through their teeth or b) having someone else breastfeed and tend to their newborn all day!)  So week 5 was the turning point in my relationship with my newborn baby.  Don't get me wrong, it is still difficult and we are continuously learning new things about our baby each day.  But the light at the end of the tunnel is now visible, if not a few feet away.

Jake is now 6 weeks old.  He is a good and happy baby, smiling and cooing when he is full and content.  We have developed a specific routine/schedule that works quite well and has saved our sanity.  Also, Jake has been bottle-free for 3 days as of today!  If there is one thing I have learned, determination is key to successful breastfeeding.  Never underestimate your power as a woman and mother!  As weary as I was, I feel like I did everything in my power to try to provide the best nourishment for my baby.  I breastfed and pumped often to establish my milk supply and I am currently taking fenugreek pills (another thing I learned?  Breastfeeding is not as easy as putting your baby on your boob.)  Now I actually enjoy breastfeeding.  The best advice I received was that you ultimately have to do what is best for you and your baby...whatever keeps YOU and your baby happy.  A stressful environment won't help the situation.

As for me postpartum, I am healing pretty well, though still sore at times.  The doctor said it takes about 6 months to be 90%.  Having a baby is extremely traumatic for a woman's body but the outcome is well worth it.

So the storm known as Jake has passed in the Harrison household.  It is still raining and we're learning to enjoy it, if not stay dry from it. 



  

Healing

They say time heals all wounds. I have found this to be true. It has been 3 weeks since I went through that traumatic delivery and gave birth to a precious baby boy. The recovery from that experience is going pretty well.  My battle scar from the C-section is healing nicely and I have recovered emotionally from that painful weekend. 

The last three weeks have been a blur.  I have never been more sleep deprived and happy at the same time.  There have been moments when I felt like I would not make it til the next day.  I thought my life was busy before but now it is REALLY busy!  Everything revolves around the baby's schedule and there is very little time for anything else.  He eats every 2 to 3 hours, which means he is constantly on my breast (which makes me feel like a milk machine!).  If I could write a book about baby Jake it would be called "Eat, Sleep, Poop."  Being the mother of a newborn is the most demanding job I have ever had but the reward is priceless.

As a new mom I have learned to appreciate so many little things in life, such as having the time to take a shower, my mom staying with us and doing all our chores, and even getting to go outside.  You'll find this funny but the week after I came home from the hospital, I remember being excited over producing milk and finally going #2 (having a C-Section makes your body irregular for a while!). Yesterday I drove for the first time in over 2 weeks and went to school for a meeting.  It felt weird to be out and about again, especially without my belly!  I realized that I became quite attached to my pregnancy...I loved it so much, even the last few uncomfortable weeks.  I can't wait until I am fully recovered and Jake is big enough so that we can go on walks with the dog and I can enjoy the sunshine once again. 

Chris and I entered parenthood in an atypical way.  We didn't get to bond with our baby immediately after his birth.  We spent the first week of our baby's life away from him.  But Jacob's birth has made us stronger as a team.  These days, my brain is having to work twice as hard, sleep has become a luxury, and every minute of the day counts (i.e., "Do I go on the computer, eat, use the restroom, do schoolwork, or nap while the baby naps?" or "I better hurry up and finish whatever it is I am doing before he wakes up and demands my breast again for the 35th time today!").  But the most important thing is that the trauma is behind us now...and we are simply adjusting to life as the parents of a happy and healthy 3-week-old baby.

Jacob's Birth

I don't even know where to begin...the past week has been a whirlwind. I went into labor early Friday morning, ended up having an emergency C-section that night, then my baby was taken to another hospital's NICU after having endured a stressful delivery. He had swallowed some amniotic fluid during the delivery and ate some of his meconium (infant's first bowel movement) but it did not go beyond his vocal chords- thank God. The hospital where I was at did not have a NICU, which was why Baby Jake was taken to a bigger hospital. I gave birth on Friday night but did not get to hold and meet my baby until Monday night after I was discharged. On top of that I was in pain and discomfort from the surgery. Needless to say, it was a very emotionally and physically difficult weekend. I found myself not even wanting to update people on Jake's delivery because it was just too hard to relive what happened and to talk about (it still is)...it wasn't exactly the most exciting or happiest birth story and was more traumatic than anything for me, Chris, and the baby.

On Monday night after I was discharged from the hospital, Chris and I went directly to the NICU and I got to meet and hold my baby for the first time. Chris had been able to see him the entire weekend, which was at least comforting. When we left the NICU that night, I had never felt more depressed in my life, as everything finally hit and I was able to process what had happened. I just wanted to go back to Friday morning and start over. I felt so sad seeing my baby in that incubator with blankets and things to comfort him that weren't even from his own home. It wasn't supposed to be this way. These were just a couple of things that were playing over and over in my mind that made me cry...I was going through so much emotionally.

But there is something about prayers and positive thinking...after finally going to sleep on Monday night, I woke up early on Tuesday with the determination to turn things around and find the light in the darkness. For one, our baby is ALIVE and actually quite healthy! He just needs to stay in NICU to fight off an infection that he acquired during labor and is currently on antibiotics (through the IV). He also had jaundice and was only able to feed through the IV for the first several days of his life.

So as of today, Baby Jake is 6 days old. He was born on 1/7/11, four days before his due date, at 9:40 pm, weighing 8.8 lbs (Yes, a big baby! That is why I ended up having a C-section). Chris and I see him twice a day and I can honestly say that each day gets better and better! I have had the chance to feed him and change his diaper and there are many more new mommy moments to come in the next few days! We do not know how long he will be in NICU, and as much as we want him home with us we know that he is getting the best care at the hospital and is getting stronger each day. As for me, I am physically doing quite well but still need lots and lots of rest and recovery. I am doing much better emotionally, though I learned that there are moments when I still have flashbacks of last Friday and feeling like I want to start the whole labor and delivery process over.

We have received so much love and support from our wonderful family and friends this entire time and we could not be more grateful.  We know it's just a matter of time until Baby Jake comes home and until then, we have to take it one day at a time and be thankful for each little progress made.

38 week update

We've made it to 38 weeks = full term!  I thank God for a healthy, stress-free, and easy pregnancy.  The last 4 weeks have been increasingly uncomfortable for me with my enormous belly, but I really can't complain as the first 7 1/2 months or so were a breeze.  Chris and I have been busy nesting in the past 2 weeks- the nursery is pretty much ready and we almost have everything that we need immediately for the baby (still waiting for the car seat + stroller and crib bedding to arrive).  We have our hospital bags packed and ready to go (I hope I have everything I need in there!).  The waiting game has begun.

Christmas came and went and we enjoyed spending time with our families.  We had a total of 3 baby showers for Jake: family, friends, and my Psy.D. cohort.  We feel extremely blessed to have so many generous and loving people in our lives and it seems like the gifts keep on coming even though the baby showers have passed!  My uncle and aunt, Frank and Tiffany, kindly loaned us a ton of baby items that their now 4-year old used when she was a baby.  Chris' co-worker donated huge bins of baby clothing, from 0-6 months so we are covered in that area (or rather the baby will be covered!).  It is overwhelming how blessed I feel and I have made a promise to pay it forward.

These days I have not been sleeping as well because of my aching back/rib cage and a few bathroom breaks at night (about 1-3 at the most).  It has become more difficult to sleep comfortably at night no matter what position I lie in.  I seem to have an insatiable sweet tooth also and my will power has become more lax!  I still try to eat healthy and nutritious foods when I can but I won't lie, sometimes I will make myself eat a good meal just so I can have a little dessert after!  No wonder I feel like I have put on so much weight in the last 3 weeks!  I am a lot more hungry lately but still no weird or consistent cravings.  Mentally and psychologically, and I guess even physically, I feel relatively good.  I feel optimistic and ready for the baby to come.  I have some pains in my pelvic area and I've been having very mild cramps but not to the point where I can't move.  Just the other day I was able to go on a 2 mile walk with my dog, so I am still doing ok.   

The biggest update is that yesterday I had my weekly check up and the doctor did a vaginal exam.  He said that I am already almost 1 cm dilated and that my cervix has started to efface!  Even though I haven't felt much (no contractions, some Braxton Hicks and mild cramps) it looks like there is some progress down there, which I hope that means Baby Jake will soon be on his way!  I am 75% excited and 25% nervous/scared of the pain.  I can't wait to meet the little guy that has been moving around inside of me and am so thankful for the life that Chris and I have created and the family we are about to start.  Now all we have to do is wait... 

Being Candid at 5 AM

I/I am:

• unable to sleep
• worried that we won't get everything we need for the baby
• broke and tired of it
• not making progress with my dissertation
• tired but not sleepy
• ready for my baby to arrive but feel as though there is so much preparation to do (ONE month to go!)
• not eating or exercising as well as I would like lately because I have been sick
• sick of this cold/congestion
• probably not resting as much as I should, although I plan on not doing much (except for nesting and resting) starting this Wednesday when I am finished with school and practicum
• making a commitment to love and provide the basic needs of my child, no matter what financial hardships Chris and I encounter...all he needs is: love and comfort, food, clothes, and a comfortable environment
• feel round all over, I don't care how "tiny" I look to other people
• have indescribable womanly discomforts known only to other pregnant women/moms
• miss my husband who is having to sleep in the other room because of my snoring
• just want to sleep